Failing My Driving Test

Most people earn their driver's license within two weeks, and some even manage it in just a couple of days. It took me nearly two months of preparation before the long-awaited day of my road test finally arrived.

I was especially nervous because both of my previous attempts had ended in failure during the very first road test.

Before the exam, I practiced on a driving simulator to get comfortable with the controls and steering. I memorized the test route, drove a real car in Yeongjongdo, and even rode with a friend around the actual testing area to familiarize myself with the roads.

Even so, the day of the test was only the second time I had ever driven a real car. As I sat in the passenger seat waiting for my turn, my heart was already pounding.

Once I got behind the wheel, everything I had practiced seemed to disappear. I forgot to use my turn signal before changing lanes, left the gear in the wrong position, and made mistakes I had corrected countless times during practice. My mind simply went blank.

After what felt like an endless course, I was almost back at the testing center. At the final intersection, the traffic light suddenly turned yellow. I slammed on the brakes, but I had already crossed the stop line.

Automatic failure.

I pulled over and switched seats with the examiner.

The moment immediately brought back memories of my previous tests. After those failures, I had convinced myself that driving simply wasn't for me. I never even tried again.

This time, however, it felt different.

Of course, I had secretly hoped to pass on my first try, especially after so many people told me I would. But I also went into the test with a different mindset:

"If I fail today, I'll try again tomorrow. If I fail tomorrow, I'll try again the day after."

Looking back, I know I prepared much more seriously this time. And I'm convinced that, sooner or later, I'll earn my driver's license. Whatever causes me to fail—a careless mistake, a difficult situation, or even a strict examiner—is simply part of the process.

But on a deeper level, this process isn't really about getting a driver's license.

It's about facing the parts of myself I had avoided for years.

The part that believed I wasn't good at things like this.

The part that believed I had no sense of direction.

The part that believed I simply wasn't someone who could drive.

It's about walking toward the things I had spent years turning away from.

It's about expanding the way I move through the world. I once only knew how to walk on sidewalks; now I'm learning the rules of the road and discovering a much wider world.

It's about becoming someone who no longer only sits in the passenger seat, but can one day take the driver's seat, let someone else rest beside me, and safely lead us to our destination.

Lately, I've been reading a lot about the unconscious mind and Carl Jung's concept of the shadow. Perhaps that's why this journey feels like the first step toward bringing one of my own shadows into reality.

After failing again, I have to admit that I briefly felt discouraged. The old temptation to give up resurfaced.

But instead, I've decided to change my strategy and keep practicing.

Before the test, my driving instructor had told me, "There are plenty of places in Seoul where you can get a driving lesson for just 30,000 won. Don't put too much pressure on yourself—just take the test with a light heart."

His words stayed with me.

And I was fortunate enough to meet a kind examiner.

After the test, instead of simply telling me that I had failed, he spent quite a while explaining exactly where I had struggled and how I could improve. He patiently pointed out what I should practice and ended by saying,

"With just a little more practice, I think you'll pass." :)

I left the testing center without a driver's license.

But I also left with something I hadn't expected: the confidence that I was much closer than I had once believed.