Between Empathy and Achievement

Lately, I have been practicing living in a more achievement-oriented way.

I used to approach most things with an attitude of simply going with the flow and thinking, “If it is meant to happen, it will.” That mindset had its advantages. I could adapt easily wherever I went, and it allowed me to live with a certain peace of mind. But at some point, I began to find that side of myself frustrating. I would give up too quickly on things I wanted, telling myself, “Maybe it just wasn’t meant for me.” I would leave things I wanted to try untouched for years, thinking that I would start when the right time came.

Perhaps because of that, I have recently become much more eager to complete my to-do list even on my days off and to achieve stronger sales results at work. The truth is, I am not someone without a competitive side. I think I simply used to regard the desire to win or achieve as something slightly immoral, and so I kept trying to deny that part of myself.

I used to say that my philosophy was, “If I quietly do my best, results will come eventually.” But looking back, I wonder whether that attitude was sometimes less of a philosophy and more of a kind of passivity rooted in fear.

So now, instead of turning away from my desire to achieve, I have decided to pursue it.

At work, my goal has shifted from simply being responsible and doing my part diligently to studying what it means to do my job well, applying what I learn, and actively looking for ways to become the best performer.

In relationships, too, I have begun to move away from half-giving up and telling myself, “Maybe we just were not meant to be.” Instead, I find myself wanting to say what I want and to make an effort to keep the relationships I value alive in my life.

As the saying goes, getting started is half the battle. Almost as soon as I made this shift in mindset, my results at work improved. I stopped giving up too early, kept trying to connect customers with additional products, and the more attempts I made, the more often those attempts turned into actual results. I sold several products in a single day that were normally difficult to sell, and I received positive feedback from customers as well.

Yet every once in a while, I noticed myself putting the brakes on my own behavior.

I was afraid that my results might become too good.

Before thinking about my own performance, I would start looking around at the people around me. I would think, “Opportunities should be fair. I shouldn’t take everything for myself.” So once I felt that I had reached a certain level of sales, I would deliberately leave customers who were looking at our key products to my colleagues and choose to assist someone else instead.

But even when I tried to do that, on particularly lucky days, the customers I happened to assist would suddenly become interested in several other products, and one sale would naturally lead to another. In those moments, I would become self-conscious, worrying that it might look as though I were taking customers away from other people.

When my strong ability to notice other people’s strengths operates alongside an achievement drive that is still immature, two impulses often collide inside me: the desire to do better and the belief that I should not do too much.

From what I have observed, people who are naturally highly achievement-oriented are often very good at producing visible results wherever they go because so much of their attention is focused on accomplishing a goal. At the same time, that narrow focus can sometimes make it difficult for them to notice the emotions of the people around them.

Without intending to, some of them made me feel small. Rather than recognizing that I might have strengths different from theirs and encouraging those strengths, they would sometimes rank people according to their own standards. In those moments, I felt as though the many different parts of who I was had been reduced to a single measure, and that I myself had somehow become smaller.

I, on the other hand, am highly sensitive to other people’s emotions. Because of that, I sometimes become so concerned with how others might feel that I voluntarily deprive myself of opportunities to grow.

Being able to develop while remaining aware of the people around me is certainly a strength. But beyond a certain point, the two values cannot always be prioritized equally. There will inevitably be moments when, even if it feels slightly selfish, I need to put my own learning and growth first.

That is why, for the time being, I want to deliberately develop the achievement-oriented side of myself that has remained relatively unfamiliar to me, so that eventually I can learn to draw on each value when it is needed.

For now, “becoming good at what I do” will be my highest priority.

It may sometimes make me uncomfortable to imagine what other people might feel because of my success. But I need to understand clearly that feeling uncomfortable about someone else’s emotions does not mean that those emotions are mine to manage.

I believe that the ability to consider other people while still being firmly on my own side when necessary is something I will need throughout my life.

And perhaps, one day, it will become one of my greatest strengths.